Grief During the Holidays — What Nobody Tells You
It’s strange how awful the silence can feel this time of year.
While everything around you is focused on celebration — lights, music, shopping, traditions — you might be sitting in the quiet reality of missing someone. Or missing something. Maybe you’ve lost a loved one. Maybe you’re grieving a relationship that ended, a life change that you didn’t choose, or a version of the holidays that no longer exists.
Grief during the holidays doesn’t come with a manual. Most people don’t talk about it — not really. Which is why it can feel so isolating.
If this season feels isolating for you, you’re not alone. And you don’t have to pretend you're fine just because it's December.
What grief during the holidays actually looks like
It doesn’t always look like sobbing or staying in bed (though sometimes it does). Grief can show up as:
Feeling numb or disconnected in the middle of family traditions
Avoiding gatherings because it’s just too much right now
Wanting to be “normal” again but not knowing how
Feeling out of place in a room full of cheerful people
Getting irritated at small things — and then feeling guilty for it
Wondering if you’re the only one who doesn’t feel like celebrating
You might still put up the decorations or show up to the dinner — but inside, you’re feeling a mix of sadness, pressure, longing, and maybe even resentment.
This is what grief can look like. And it’s okay.
It’s not just you — grief rewrites the holidays
Whether your loss is fresh or something you’ve been living with for a long time, the holidays have a way of stirring it back up. Familiar songs, smells, and traditions act like time machines. Even the smallest moments can bring waves of emotion you didn’t expect.
You might find yourself thinking, “I should be feeling grateful. I should be enjoying this.” But grief doesn’t respond to pressure. It needs space. And it requires radical honesty.
In my practice, clients navigating grief often say things like:
“I just don’t feel like myself right now.”
“Everyone else seems to be moving on.”
“This used to be my favorite time of year — now I dread it.”
If you’re feeling any of those things, it doesn’t mean you’re doing grief wrong. It means you’re human.
Grief doesn’t follow the calendar
One of the most challenging parts of grieving is the way the world keeps spinning while you’re still figuring out how to live with your loss.
People may mean well, but you might hear things like:
“They’d want you to be happy.”
“You’ve got to stay strong.”
“They’re in a better place.”
“It’s been so long since they died — you should be moving past this already.”
But your grief isn’t on anyone else’s timeline. Not even your own. Some days might feel okay. Other days might feel raw again. That’s all normal.
And during the holidays, that ebb and flow can be especially intense.
You’re allowed to protect your energy
This time of year comes with a lot of “shoulds.” You should go to the party. You should bake the cookies. You should feel festive for the kids.
But what would happen if you gave yourself permission to check in first?
What do you feel? What do you need? And how can you act on what you now know?
Maybe this year, you let someone else host. Maybe you say no to the extra event. Maybe you leave space in the calendar to rest, cry, or just be quiet. That’s not selfish, it’s wise. And you don’t need anyone’s permission but your own.
Grief Counseling in Maryland to navigate holiday grief
If you’re walking through grief this season, therapy can be a space to just be — without expectations, without fixing, and without the pressure to “move on.”
In sessions with clients who are grieving during the holidays, we often slow things way down. We talk honestly about the sadness, the frustration, and the moments of unexpected joy or relief — all of it is welcome.
We explore:
What you want this season to look like, if anything
How to honor what you’ve lost without losing yourself
How to talk to people who don’t get it (or who mean well but say the wrong thing)
What feels grounding, soothing, or necessary — and how to build that in
Grief isn’t some terrible problem to solve; it’s an experience to move through. Having support makes that journey more bearable, and often more meaningful.
If this is your “first” holiday after a loss
The firsts are especially challenging. That first Thanksgiving without their voice at the table. The first Christmas morning that feels quiet in a new and painful way. The first year you didn’t send a card because you couldn’t bring yourself to write the words.
Those moments matter. They deserve care.
You don’t have to perform for anyone. You get to do this your way — and that includes changing traditions, skipping them, or creating new ones.
If you’re in Maryland and this is your first holiday season in grief, this might be the right time to reach out for support. Counseling in Maryland can give you space to process everything that’s coming up without having to hold it all in.
A few reminders for this season
You’re not too sensitive. You’re not doing too much. You’re someone who’s experienced loss.
You don’t owe anyone a perfect holiday.
You can both honor your grief and enjoy small moments — even laughter.
You’re allowed to need support, even if others think you're “doing fine.”
You can take breaks. You can feel what you feel. You can tend to your heart.
You’re not alone in this. You might feel isolated right now, but many people are quietly going through something similar. You absolutely deserve to make space for your experience too.
Let’s talk if you’re looking for support
If you're grieving this holiday season and would like a space where you don’t have to explain or minimize what you're going through, I’d be honored to support you.
I offer grief counseling in Maryland for people navigating grief, loss, and the emotional weight that this season can bring.
Let’s talk. You don’t have to go through it alone.
